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Dear Readers,
My column this week is going to be a little different, but bear with me. Because of the overwhelming response to this column, we here at Entertainmates.com
get more letters than can possibly be answered! Each and every question is read and evaluated for content, but the ones posted each week contain universal
themes that many of you out there can relate to.
In the several months that this column has been around, I’ve seen a number of common themes emerge: questions about arguments, a friend’s new boyfriend or
girlfriend getting in the way (that’s a BIG one!), or one friend experiencing a lifestyle change like marriage or a baby.
But there’s one topic that stands above all the rest, and because it’s impossible to answer each question individually (the column would begin to sound
repetitive, as though we’re trying to solve the same problem over and over again), I wanted to address this topic in an article rather than by answering
just one letter.
Here’s the big question that appears to be on many of your minds. What do you do about a “friend” who treats you badly? Here are some examples. Anna wants
to know how to deal with a friend who is rude and outspoken. Nancy is stuck babysitting her best friend’s daughter every single day without compensation or
even a thank-you. Erika’s friend has insulted her family and caused her to have to “watch her back every second.”
And wait, there’s more! Connie’s friend dumps her every time she has a new boyfriend. Lisa’s friend is living rent-free in her home, with no end to the
arrangement in sight. Alicia’s friend blew off a baby shower in order to hang out with her boyfriend. Are you starting to see a trend here?
Let me let you in on a little secret. These people are not friends. They are freeloaders, users, and backstabbers. Harsh, but true. How many years are
left in your life? Not enough, right? And there’s actually no way of knowing for sure, is there? If you knew you had a week, a year, even five years left
to live, would you waste even one more day with these people? I hope the answer is no.
I realize it is not easy to end a friendship, especially one that is negative and hostile to begin with. But you owe it to yourself and your sanity to surround
yourself with people who truly care about you and have your best interests at heart. People who understand that “give-and-take” means that at times, they will
have to do some giving.
What is stopping you from picking up the phone today and saying in a polite way that you feel the friendship has gone as far as it possibly can? Don’t get into
a debate or a screaming match. Just end it kindly and firmly. If they insult you or berate you, who cares? It just proves you made the right choice.
If you are against such a direct approach, stop returning their phone calls. If they persist in inviting you places, just tell them politely that you “can’t” and
leave it at that. In Nancy’s example above, she could simply tell her friend she will no longer be available to baby-sit after a certain date (a week or two at most).
And the best part is, there is no explanation needed in any of these circumstances! You know why? Because these people know they’ve been using you, and you should not
have to spell it out for them. So what if Lisa’s friend has to find and (heaven forbid!) pay for her own place to live? She should have been doing that all along anyway.
This may mean that you have fewer people in your life, but wouldn’t you rather have only one or two friends – or even no one for a while – if it results in less stress and worry?
Think about it. The best friend you will ever have in the world is YOU. YOU must stick up for yourself. YOU must nip things in the bud before they get out of hand. YOU can
enjoy your own company and take yourself out to the movies or for coffee. YOU will survive until better friends come along.
Let go of the people in your life who make you feel bad and take advantage of you. Ask yourself – look very deep inside – why you have allowed yourself to be treated this way for
so long. Why, after this person showed their true colors, did you continue the friendship? Once you figure that out, the quality of your friends will most likely improve drastically.
And in the meantime, hang in there. No one ever said relationships were easy. Thank you for your terrific response to the column and for visiting Entertainmates.com, and keep those
letters coming!
Lacey
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