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Dear Aimee:
Don't get me wrong. Friends are important, and sometimes they have an absolutely terrific perspective on a situation that we may be blind to ourselves, but
Kayla seems to be overstepping some boundaries here. The fact that she is your boss only makes the situation more complicated, but that doesn't mean you should
give up hope on the friendship.
The fact that Kayla set you up with Tom says that she must have at least initially had a good impression of him. Looks and wealth are very important to some
people but can mean absolutely nothing to others. If you happen to fall into the latter category, then Kayla shouldn't be worried about you. In other words, if
you're happy, she should be happy.
Kayla could be resentful of the time you have been spending with Tom. Maybe you're confiding in him the things you used to confide in her, and she’s jealous. Jealousy
is a perfectly normal human reaction – especially when someone feels displaced by another person – but since it’s beginning to affect your friendship (and possibly your
working relationship) it’s time to talk.
Is it possible that Kayla’s real concern is that you're getting too serious too quickly after your divorce? It’s very common to experience overwhelmingly strong feelings
for the first person who comes along after a painful breakup. Perhaps she’s worried that you haven't taken the time to get to know other people, and she’s choosing to pick
on more superficial qualities about Tom rather than addressing the real issue.
You need to reassure Kayla that you still do value her friendship while at the same time remaining firm on the fact that although you appreciate her advice and understand her
concerns, ultimately the decision as to whether or not to stay with Tom has to remain squarely in your corner. If she is a true friend, she needs to respect that.
Kayla has some controlling aspects to her personality (don't we all?) that may well be tempered with some extra positive attention from you. You are likely very wrapped up in
Tom for the simple fact that it’s probably been a long time since you enjoyed a harmonious romantic relationship. Doesn't it feel great? You may not even realize that you
have been neglecting some of the time that used to belong strictly to Kayla, and she may just be responding to that.
Talk to Kayla and get this issue out in the open. Acknowledge her concerns but stand firm that you feel Tom is an asset in your life. Then carve some time out of your schedule
for you and Kayla, never losing sight of the fact that she is indeed your boss and that if you lose the friendship, you might lose your job in the bargain.
I've got the feeling things will turn out well for you and Kayla, provided you can respect each other’s individual needs. Best of luck to you!
Lacey
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